Since I’m on the topic of resolutions, I thought I’d post my manifesto, a two-page list of annual intentions currently taped above my bed for easy access.
1. stretch and grow artistically. fill my life with color; in the past, i’ve stuck largely to monotone templates in drawing – it’s time to move into rainbow. pick up new techniques and skills: oil-painting, stenciling, cut-outs, sculpture. consistently turn out things of quality.
2. return to my former loves – old friends, old contacts, music. there are so many things i used to do that have somehow slacked off along the way. i miss the pulse of drums and string under fingers. i want to go back to music, and i also want to keep in touch with the people who have fallen out of my life. i’m not very good at keeping in contact, especially as people tend to be rather ‘out of sight, out of mind’ to me, but i’d like to change that.
3. in short, do things in a positive, healthy way this time. no binge drinking, nothing except pot and salvia; no unprotected angry self-destructive sex, only making love. love, peace love and happiness, whatever.
4. appreciate art and life. i suppose this goes back to my first one a little. i’ve been looking inwards so much that i’ve forgotten what’s going on in the outside world. i used to spend my life at art galleries, music festivals, dance performances, plays, independent film galleries, cultural events – on and on. i don’t do this anymore. i want to change that. i want to go to a film festival too – i’ve never been to a real one before!
5. but although i do want to get out again, i don’t want to lose what i’ve gained in my solitude – the capacity to be truly content with nothing but oneself. i want to continue going on dates with myself. i want to discover things on my own – small coffee shops, bakeries, record shops, music stores, design stores. i want to have one-person picnics and listen to my own damn music and be absolute in my own meditation, whole and at peace.
6. at the same time, i’ve lost in some respects my capacity for social empathy in these last few months. i don’t feel like i truly connect with people anymore. it’s hard for me to carry on meaningless conversations with no point or resolution – i feel like everyone’s mouths are moving but nothing is coming out. nothing feels immediate. i’m having a hard time feeling for anyone other than myself. i need to redevelop my inclination towards and delight in social interaction. i need to gain back the friends i’ve lost and make new friends who can value and appreciate me for who i am. I also want to get better at communication. i’m very good at communicating with myself now, but i seem to have misplaced my knack for communicating with the outside world. maybe i’ll learn a few languages too?
7. exercise more. this one is pretty simple. exercising releases endorphin, which are great in abetting happiness. i haven’t really been exercising enough lately, making me cranky, flabby, and untoned. also: really slow! it’s probably about time for me to get back on the treadmill.
8. use my camera; get better with photography. this one is pretty simple. i have two cameras: a simple digital point-and-shoot, which i’ve been using a lot, and a leaky holga, which i don’t use quite as much at all. i keep on forgetting to buy film for it! and i haven’t had time to modify it to take 35 mm film either. that’s definitely a project for a rainy day.
9. clean my room, keep organized and sparse, do yoga. these are lumped together because they’re all conducive to mental clarity. i currently live in a hovel. metaphorical, but close enough. my mental state is just as congested as my room, and i haven’t been doing daily yoga for quite a while; this would be a nice time to start.
10. learn more on my own time. essentially, this goal will induce me to read more books, watch more movies, write more essays, and learn more languages. i’m currently at an intellectual standstill brought on by too much school and not enough relaxation. i’m stressed, stupid, and disinclined to do anything to better myself. if i set aside only 10 minutes a night for reading, writing, a movie, or an episode of a language-learning podcast, i’ll be well on my way towards being more cultured. and 10 minutes is totally doable! score!
11. make gifts for everyone i love. i love showing my appreciation for the special people in my life. i think nothing brightens one’s day quite so much as a sudden surprise or an earnest pick-me-up letter. i’ve been writing people anonymous love letters (everyone likes being desired) and drawing for-the-hell-of-it cards for a while, but i’d like to make my favorite people something more substantial than a card… a card in a box, perhaps? i don’t know. but i’m working on it!
I’ll come up with the last 5 later to make a sum total of 16 for the 16 years of my life.
attached image was tagged “mtv fauna – bigshot toyworks” in my inspiration folder.
